just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
