We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You were trust falling into bushes
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