Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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