I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
