my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
