from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
