i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
