So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
