It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
