i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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