he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
