a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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