you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
