she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
