This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
