I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
