Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize