We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Houston, we have a squirter
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
