masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
