Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
