I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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