It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize