I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
