when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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