the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Randomize
