he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize