Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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