Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
