so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
