We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
