i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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