I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize