school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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