i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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