its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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