Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
