At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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