Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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