I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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