It's Friday. Sex?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Randomize
