Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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