I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
