I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
