the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
