i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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