I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
