How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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