dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
high people should be assigned attendants
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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