HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
