those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
