Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
