So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
How external is "for external use only"?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize