I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
