i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
