remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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