she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
