honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
he puts the penis in happiness.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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