dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
