So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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