So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
