wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize