Hey man sorry I got all grabby
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
