Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i don't like sucking hair
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
