why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
