I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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