can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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