i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
