are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
How naked do you want me to be?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
