Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
