im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
