I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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