Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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