you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
