I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
you never un-have a 4some
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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