good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
