First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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